I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
