Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
