i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
