I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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