I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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