I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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