Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
