So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
