I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
