This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
