with your own penis?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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