This is not my ceiling
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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