We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
