dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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