I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
