It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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