She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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