I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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