he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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