he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Green mimosas i think yes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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