I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
