gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
