Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
