I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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