oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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