I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
