my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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