I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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