She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
