Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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