she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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