I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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