your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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