There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
