i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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