Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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