i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
