I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
