I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
