Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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