Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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