Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
