So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
