I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Randomize
