When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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