so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
should my penis look like a turkey
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
