It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
