happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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