So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
