My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
