I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
