Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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