is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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