It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
