my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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