seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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