Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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