I think I won the penis lottery.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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