wanna go halves on a baby?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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