i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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