he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
