Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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