I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't turn off my feet"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
