i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
