hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
