I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
