i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
