well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
