can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
