2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
