I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
