So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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