come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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