It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
