what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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