Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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