don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
