Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
